I remember that towards the end of high school, in the throws of a burgeoning sexual identity, I started shaving my pubic hair.  In retrospect, I think peer pressure and an adolescent phobia of sticking out ultimately led me to believe that less hair was the paradigm of pubic beauty.  And I didn’t just trim up around the edges of my garden;  no, every two days or so I made sure that not a pube could be found on my external vagina.  By process of elimination, I know that my mother had no influence on my hair removal rituals.  My opinion of my mother during high school was that she knew nothing about being sexy.  She also definitely did not shave her pubic hair (which crept out of her swimsuit during family vacations), providing all the more reason for me to eliminate mine.  In my limited exposure to erotica I determined that most porn stars shave their pubic hair or sport the “landing strip.” Still, having little interest in emulating porn stars, I doubt that my exposure to porn had a significant bearing on my decision.  It was definitely the girls at my (wealthy, private) high school, particularly the older girls, who influenced my pubic practices.  Remarks they made in the bathroom about what their boyfriends enjoyed, how much cleaner they felt, yet how painful waxing was, and “Oh nasty! Did you see Claire’s bush in gym today!” All these comments formed notions in my head about a socially accepted pubic appearance:  hairless or, at least, minimal hair.

So, obediently, I accepted the hair removal rituals of my high school peers, who were themselves trying to impress their boyfriends.  And then it happened that my first boyfriend shattered my world and my silly notion of pubic beauty.  Confident in the growing physical and emotional intimacy of our young relationship, he had the audacity to ask me “Why do you shave off your pubic hair?”  I remember that initially I felt completely exposed.  He was challenging me in an area where I had complete domain but virtually no understanding.  I mean, no one had ever told me that a hairless vagina was desirable except the older girls at my high school, and half the time I didn’t even care what they thought.  Why had I cared about this?  My vulnerability morphed into anger.  I thought, “What! I do this for you, all the razor burn and itchy re-growth, I do it because that’s the way you want it!”  My anger calmed and the emotional hurricane was over in a matter of micro-seconds.  What came out of my mouth was “Oh, I thought you would like it.”  What came out of his was “Oh.  You don’t have to.” 

Such was my first exposure to the social reality of some women (myself included).  We accept ideals of beauty that are themselves silly for arguably silly reasons:  men will like us and women won’t hate us.  Pubic hair removal is but my personal experience in a host of examples ranging from arm-pit hair elimination to breast augmentation to preposterously thin waistlines, where as a woman I felt pressured to conform to unrealistic physical ideals.  Ultimately, de gustibus non est disputandum, that is, in matters of taste, there is no dispute and if a woman thinks that it’s beautiful to have a hairless vagina, for example, shave away!  Certainly, women who subscribe to impossible standards of beauty - like the ridiculously skinny 5’5” woman at 115 lbs, or the Barbie-model with a 25” waist and double-D bust-line, or the 50-year-old actress who looks 30 - should not be criticized if their appearance reflects their personal beauty ideal.  That being said, all women must critically examine to whom their standards of beauty really belong.  At 22, the thing I most emphatically believe is that a woman’s actions must result from her will, not the influence of someone else, otherwise she will never be comfortable with who she is.  If you aren’t being thin for you, if you aren’t being hairless for you, like I wasn’t being hairless for me, it’s time to majorly overhaul your priorities.  Too many women spend their whole lives being who and what they believe their family, their friends, their lovers, their society want and need them to be.  How unfair!  Take back your life, women!  While it’s crude that I began to learn this lesson from a mindless hair removal practice, I am grateful to be learning it now.  In fact, the autonomous woman makes beauty decisions to fulfill her personal ideal of beauty, and no one else’s.  My ideal of beauty is an autonomous woman.