June 10, 2008

Breast Implants….Will They Fix Everything?

Filed under: Beauty, Body Image, Breast Implants, Breasts, Celebrity, Culture and Society, Life, Media, Men and Implants, Plastic Surgery, Women — Krista @ 7:09 pm

I think that today’s society, men, women, and the pressure to be perfect has the largest effect on women who choose to get breast implants. I am 23 years old, 5′7, 140 pounds and a B cup. Well, barely a B, but I am still a B. I am desperate to have my breasts done. I cry about it and obsess over it. I could care less whether or not it is safe, I am willing to take the risk and for what? For what other people think of me. I know it is ridiculous, I have a boyfriend who thinks I’m crazy, but I can’t help but think whenever a girl walks by with a large C cup and a small waist that he would much rather be with her at night then with me. I’m miserable. It does not stop at my breasts, it is my entire body. I am constantly picking myself apart, and some days I’m too depressed to get off the couch and get dressed. If it weren’t for that fact that I had to go to work, I wouldn’t get up at all sometimes.

Now, I know what this is from. I had an eating disorder, I was bulimic and anorexic in high school, in fact it started in 8th grade and I like to believe that I am over it, but I’m not. Recently I was complaining about my body when my boyfriend looked at me and made a comment very unlike him to make; He said “you know that is very unattractive, no self confidence”. Now, I know that men like self confidence, but honestly I did not even think he was listening half the time when I would rant and rave about my body. He then said “I think you’re sexy and there is nothing wrong with you”. However, from the years of looking at the unrealistic women in the magazines and internal dialog I’ve created with myself, I cannot believe him. I think that he is saying these things just to shut me up.

I’m writing all of this because I know that so many young women are affected by these things. I was very sexually promiscuous when I was younger for nothing more than the feeling that I was “good enough” whatever that is and I have done many horrible things to my mind, body, and soul all in the pursuit of being “pretty enough” or “sexy enough”.

The media, women, men, and what goes on within yourself all contribute to why women are willing to put their lives on the line for the “perfect” body. I’ve now begun to keep these thoughts and feelings inside as I do not want to turn my boyfriend off any more than I believe I already do and returning to destructive habits of throwing up certain foods that I think I do not need to eat. Common sense wise, I know that I am not fat, but for some reason when I look in the mirror or hear myself think that is all I tell myself. I pick myself apart constantly and part of my wanting breast augmentation is because (even though I know it is not true) I think maybe, just maybe, I will feel better about myself and these constant thoughts of inadequacy and imperfection will go away.

We recently received the above comment to one of our posts here at Beauty and The Breast, and I thought it was important to highlight this comment because these comments are ones that we hear far too often from young women.

First, I wanted to say to this young woman that I think most all women can relate to what you are saying. I do feel like you left this comment for us because you are trying to reach out, understand yourself better and just try to see if there are other’s that can relate to you. I will be the first to tell you that—–yes, we can ALL relate.

I also want to say that I was in your shoes not that many years ago. I had low self-esteem, I never felt pretty enough, sexy enough, desired enough, smart enough, etc. I decided to go through with getting breast implants when I was 25 years old. I thought they would be the answer to all of my problems, all of my self-esteem issues, and that all would be right in the world if I had them. The truth was that breast implants did not change any of that for me. I was still the exact say girl I always was; only now I was constantly trying to cover myself up because it was very obvious that I had implants. Every time I’d put on a bathing suit everyone would stare at me because my breasts looked like two awkward grapefruits stuck to my chest. I never wore low-cut clothing because; again I was embarrassed that everyone knew I had fake breasts. I have many many friends and family members who have breast implants, and they are the exact same way…constantly trying to “keep them under wraps.”

What you also need to remember is that for a lot of women breast implants make them look heavier and their waists shorter. That is one thing that I don’t think a lot of women think about before getting their implants, and then they are disappointed at the way their bodies look with implants. I know many women who have decided just a few weeks or a few months after getting implants that they are not all they are cracked up to be and opt to have them taken out. Mostly because they are awkward and fake-looking, make them look heavier and just don’t look right on their bodies.

Before going under the knife to get breast implants, or any cosmetic surgery for that matter I think women need to stop and ask themselves “why am I doing this?” Is it because you think by doing it all of your problems are going to be solved, or your life is going to better, or your self-esteem will be higher? Because breast implants won’t solve ANY of those things. One important lesson I have learned over the past couple of years is that self-esteem and beauty starts from the inside, it isn’t something that you can buy from a plastic surgeon, or by getting plastic bags inserted into your chest. Far too women think implants will solve their problem….in reality…they won’t.
Now, don’t get me wrong I know we are inundated with “perfect” looking women in magazines, on TV, in the movies…it’s everywhere. And, I know that this is something that is never going to change. Us “real” women are always going to have to compete with these “perfect” women (who by the way aren’t all that perfect, everyone has flaws,) but if we can somehow find our own inner beauty and see & accept our own unique beauty…it is only then that we will be truly beautiful. Self-confidence is what is beautiful, not a manufactured body part.

Melissa, I hope you will be able to find peace and acceptance within yourself, and be able to love yourself as you were created. It sounds like you have a very loving boyfriend, who thinks you are very sexy…what else matters? And, you sound like you have a wonderful body that a lot of women would love to have. I hope you will stop comparing yourself to other girls. You are only setting yourself up for failure when you don’t feel you are as pretty or as perfect as the girls in the magazines. It sounds like your issues are very deep-seated, which scares me and I hope you will take our advice and see a counselor. Getting breast implants is not the answer to your problems, your problem is stemming from what is in your head…you already know that. You need to work on loving and accepting yourself, the day you will be able to do that is the day you will see that you don’t need breast implants to be beautiful.

You are right when you say “so many young women are being affected by these things.” Your comment made it sound like they were a disease…which in my mind THEY ARE! I hope you will not be one of the young women affected by them, because trust me…they aren’t worth it. I wish my whole heart and soul that I could turn back the clock to 5 years ago and never get them. For me, would you consider never letting them affect your life like they have mine?
Sincerely, Krista

Share This: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
  • BlogMemes
  • del.icio.us
  • digg
  • NewsVine
  • Reddit
  • Slashdot
  • StumbleUpon
  • YahooMyWeb
  • Technorati
  • Digg
  • Facebook
  • Google
  • TwitThis

6 Comments »

  1. Thank you so much for responding to what I wrote. It truly does mean so much to me to know that I am not alone! It is something I’ve known for a long time, but to hear or read for that matter, someone say it is very comforting. I was reaching out when I wrote that, to whom I did not know, but I most certainly was. Many typos from trying to type too quickly at work, but I needed to get that all out.
    I hope you will be happy to know that I have begun to see a counselor, I was seeing one before, but stopped going against her advice.
    Again, thank you for everything you said and for taking the time to say it. You would be surprised to know how much it means.
    I will certainly be keeping up with your blog I think it is wonderful.

    Thank you!
    ~Melissa

    Comment by Melissa — June 10, 2008 @ 8:38 pm

  2. Hi Melissa, I’m so glad this blog has helped you! Krista, Gretchen, and I reach out to hundreds of women personally via email and we care about each and everyone that is seeking our help. Words can have such an impact, and we try to do our best to explain what happened to us in a way that each person can identify with. I’m always so happy when a woman reaches out for information and help BEFORE getting breast implants (the alternative is when women reach out that can barely move and are in excrutiating pain due to their implants). It is a brave decision as you set yourself up for information that you probably don’t want to hear. I applaud you for your efforts.

    I am 5′9″ and weighed 145 lbs. when I decided to get breast implants at 19 (I was a barely B). I want to let you know that my breast implants (only 200 cc’s, which are very small considering), made me look heavier! Most people could not tell that I got breast implants, it just looked like I gained weight. Us tall girls get to play the long, lean, slender card (even when our weight creeps up a bit), and I believe that having smaller breasts helps us to keep the look. I looked about 10-15 lbs. heavier when I got breast implants, and I just wanted to let you know what happened to a fellow tall-girl (so you can imagine how much heavier one might look at only, 5′4″ with implants). And just for a little bit of additional information, once I got breast implants and began getting sick, I gained 20 lbs or so (and once I lost about 30, but then it evened out again). My body went crazy and the weight gain didn’t help at the time. I only wish everyone could avoid the uncertainty of breast augmentation.

    Comment by Kacey — June 11, 2008 @ 10:16 am

  3. Melissa_ I know exactly how you feel because I’m stuck in the same dark hole. I’ve been obsessing about my humble A-cups for 15 years now, 15 years of self-loathing, it’s half my lifetime and I’m frankly sick and tired of having to live with this crippling wound inside of me. I was bullied at school_relentlessly_ for 3 years about my lack of breasts. When I had my first boyfriend the first thing he said when he saw me naked was “I’ve seen better, but again I’ve seen worse,” My second boyfriend, whom I was very much in love with, started our relationship by declaring publicly in front of all his friends that he’d prefer it if I had bigger breasts. Followed years of self-disgust, when I resented his consumption of pornography and Claudia Schiffer posters, started self-harming, abusing drugs and drinking. I am getting counseling, and I hope to learn gradually to love myself. It’s a long journey, my breast obsession has taken over so much of my life that getting rid of it feels like having to give up heroin. The negative thoughts keep creeping back all the time and I am constantly fighting them, with various degrees of success. I know that getting breast implants is not the answer to my problems, first because one of my close friends had horrible complications after such an operation , secondly because fake breasts are just that_fake. I’ve always felt that failing to develop “normal” sized breasts was an indication of failing being a woman. I need to learn to accept my feminity as it is. The issue of breasts is tightly closed to sexuality too, and having small breasts makes me feel like I am less desirable. But we need to continue fighting these beliefs, because we only have one life, one youth, and frankly, who wants to look back at themselves in 20, 30 years time and think “all my youth, I’ve felt like utter crap because of two balls of flesh didn’t have and now I wish I had enjoyed myself ?”. It’s not fake breasts I really need, it’s freedom.

    Comment by Lou — June 12, 2008 @ 10:53 am

  4. Dear Melissa,

    I am in almost exactly the same situation: 22 years old, 5″7, 143 lbs, but with an “almost A” cup, and I used to have an eating disorder (anorexia which turned into EDNOS). I can’t buy bras outside of the “tweens” section. My mother is almost completely flat chested and I will probably look the same if I breast feed a child one day. It’s something that used to horrify me and sometimes still bothers me a lot–especially because I find it hard to fit myself into one of society’s categories for hotness–small breasted but with a slim waist, bigger breasted with a thick waist, etc. When I start to have these thoughts, I try to write down a list of all the good things that I have & that I can do that are unconnected to appearance. It helps put things in perspective, and gives me something to think about besides my body. I have found that if you keep repeating negative stuff about your body aloud, then it’s more likely that you will keep believing it, and focusing on it. And there are much cooler things to do than let some stupid ideal of beauty make you feel bad about yourself. In high school I spent all my time obsessing over exercise, calories, and being thin. In college (after therapy), I gave up my eating disorder and instead focused my energy on the arts, and now have many more friends and good memories. Letting the idea that you can make yourself into that unattainable ideal go will make you a happier person, and more interesting to people in general (guys included).

    Comment by Cat — June 14, 2008 @ 7:21 am

  5. Lou,

    I would like to say that I completely understand you. I have been dealing with this since I was about 14 years old, so I’ve got 10 years of this in August. Let me tell you, it is a lot like kicking a heroin habit. I also completely agree that I don’t want to look back at what were supposed to be the best times of my life and only remember hating myself and all the self degradation. Thank you for your post, it is comforting to know that I am not alone.

    Cat,

    I will try your suggestions about thinking of other positive things about myself. I’ve tried in the past and it is very hard for me to get past the negativity inside my head, however, I do believe if I work hard enough it is something I can achieve. Thank you.

    Hopefully, we can all somehow stay in touch and help each other through this.

    Comment by Melissa — June 17, 2008 @ 10:58 am

  6. Thank you Melissa. We’ll get over this, somehow. I wish there were more places for women like us to meet and give each other positive feedback so we can learn to accept ourselves more and leave our past behind.
    Good luck to you ladies, and thank you for the support_it’s invaluable.
    Lou x

    Comment by Lou — June 17, 2008 @ 2:05 pm

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

Powered by WordPress