I would like to say that I completely understand you. I have been dealing with this since I was about 14 years old, so I’ve got 10 years of this in August. Let me tell you, it is a lot like kicking a heroin habit. I also completely agree that I don’t want to look back at what were supposed to be the best times of my life and only remember hating myself and all the self degradation. Thank you for your post, it is comforting to know that I am not alone.

Cat,

I will try your suggestions about thinking of other positive things about myself. I’ve tried in the past and it is very hard for me to get past the negativity inside my head, however, I do believe if I work hard enough it is something I can achieve. Thank you.

Hopefully, we can all somehow stay in touch and help each other through this.

I am in almost exactly the same situation: 22 years old, 5″7, 143 lbs, but with an “almost A” cup, and I used to have an eating disorder (anorexia which turned into EDNOS). I can’t buy bras outside of the “tweens” section. My mother is almost completely flat chested and I will probably look the same if I breast feed a child one day. It’s something that used to horrify me and sometimes still bothers me a lot–especially because I find it hard to fit myself into one of society’s categories for hotness–small breasted but with a slim waist, bigger breasted with a thick waist, etc. When I start to have these thoughts, I try to write down a list of all the good things that I have & that I can do that are unconnected to appearance. It helps put things in perspective, and gives me something to think about besides my body. I have found that if you keep repeating negative stuff about your body aloud, then it’s more likely that you will keep believing it, and focusing on it. And there are much cooler things to do than let some stupid ideal of beauty make you feel bad about yourself. In high school I spent all my time obsessing over exercise, calories, and being thin. In college (after therapy), I gave up my eating disorder and instead focused my energy on the arts, and now have many more friends and good memories. Letting the idea that you can make yourself into that unattainable ideal go will make you a happier person, and more interesting to people in general (guys included).

I am 5′9″ and weighed 145 lbs. when I decided to get breast implants at 19 (I was a barely B). I want to let you know that my breast implants (only 200 cc’s, which are very small considering), made me look heavier! Most people could not tell that I got breast implants, it just looked like I gained weight. Us tall girls get to play the long, lean, slender card (even when our weight creeps up a bit), and I believe that having smaller breasts helps us to keep the look. I looked about 10-15 lbs. heavier when I got breast implants, and I just wanted to let you know what happened to a fellow tall-girl (so you can imagine how much heavier one might look at only, 5′4″ with implants). And just for a little bit of additional information, once I got breast implants and began getting sick, I gained 20 lbs or so (and once I lost about 30, but then it evened out again). My body went crazy and the weight gain didn’t help at the time. I only wish everyone could avoid the uncertainty of breast augmentation.

Thank you!
~Melissa