Hair Disaster Zone: The First Intervention
Something deeply disturbing happened this week, and I need your input. I’m having trouble even figuring out where to begin. Recently my class of pre-teens/teens was instructed on hygiene: how to keep clean, what shampoo and conditioner are for, importance of brushing teeth, etc. It was a great presentation and the kids were totally into it and seemed to have a good handle on how to take care of themselves. Well, knowing what to do and doing it are completely different things, as we would come to find out.
The hygiene lesson stemmed from the need of a female student in particular…okay, frankly it was a hair intervention, the kind your friends or parents usually perform, long before middle school. The girl comes to school every day with a mop of hair on her head that looks like it has never seen a day with a comb. It looks as if it’s been teased to the point that it’s angry and looking for revenge.
Our bright idea was to see if she would want to volunteer for a hair makeover, which she happily did. At first we considered taming the frizz/curls/clumps with water and hair gel (while teaching her to twist and let dry). We didn’t want to make the furr ball bigger, so we opted for using a straightener instead. We were all set to start the process and learned that underneath the top layer of unbrushed but manageable strands there were not 1 but 2 layers of matted clumps. I have never quite seen anything like it. At first glance it was overwhelming, but then it just kind of made us angry, as this young girl needed someone to walk her through self-care and she obviously wasn’t getting what she needs.
While working on the tangles, the girl was questioned about when she washed her hair last… and she couldn’t remember! It had been so long that she had no idea when her hair had last touched soap; according to the mess we find, it was absolutely believable. The finished product looked great! She had beautifully straightened hair (which was still quite bushy and therefore we taught her how to secure it with a ponytail holder) and she was beaming from ear to ear. Her hair had grown several inches just in the detangling process alone. She left my class feeling on top of the world, and I later learned that all of the adults (and kids) were singing her praises, which she responded well to. The big test would come the next day, when we would see what she would do with her new tangle-free locks.
Things might have gone differently had I not opened my big mouth during the makeover. I made the mistake of saying, “When you straighten your hair, sometimes you can get by with not washing it for 2 days or so.” I thought this would be a good thing, as I was encouraging everyone by saying you won’t have to spend this much time on it every day, but as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew it was a mistake. When I saw her the next day, I noticed that for the most part, her hair was back to its crazy self. It wasn’t quite as bad, but it still wasn’t good. The worst part of it was that now it had tons of gel in it that needed to be desparately washed out… and soon! When I talked to someone else about this, they reassured me by saying, “No, the gel is a good thing… at least it smells nice.”
Next year, we have made plans to do a thorough hair intervention, complete with shampooing guidance and everything. But I can’t help but think… will it stick? Has anyone else had experience with this, and what can I do to help this little one out?
~Kacey
Kacey- This story actually surprises me, mostly because the pre-teen and teenage girls these days are SO into hair, makeup, nails, clothes, fake tans, etc. I mean, when I was that age, I liked to look cute and have nice clothes. But, it seems like the girls these days insist are getting their nails done, highlights put in their hair, designer hand bags, etc. Those things didn’t even cross my mind when I was their age. To me, it just starts the problem at a young age, if they are geting highlights and fake nails put on at 14 and 15…what are they going to want at 18???? Yep, you got it…..plastic surgery!!!!
So, this story surprises me, this girl must be very unique and different from the rest of her peers. The truth is, we are who we are, we are how we were brought up, and what our parents taught us to be like. If our parents take us to get our spray tans, highlights, etc. at age 12 and 13 then that is our frame of mind…what we think we need to be like. But, if your parents don’t teach you anything about “looking your best” then that doesn’t matter much to you. There needs to be a happy medium there somewhere. My take is that this girl is going to have to decide on her own that doing her hair everyday is important to her. No one can teach her to want to do her hair everyday. One day, she will decide on her own.
Comment by Krista — June 9, 2008 @ 8:03 am
My students are quite unique. They overcome challenges every day that most people their age (or older for that matter) never have to deal with. Although the majority of them come to school bathed and clean every day, there are always the exceptions. You are completely right that my student will have to decide that keeping her hair clean and styled is important to her, before any change happens. I typically would not have a makeover in my class, however in this case, it was the best thing we could do to try to make her blend in a bit better (as we all know that in junior high you REALLY don’t want to stick out negatively). The child has a lot to offer, but kids will not give her a chance in her current unhealthy, smelly, unkept state. This child is truly on the other end of the extreme: no fake tans, highlights, or plastic surgery in her future, which is the upside.
Comment by Kacey — June 9, 2008 @ 9:25 am
Kacey, this child sounds like she could be dangerously neglected. I can’t imagine any reasonably functioning parent allowing his or or child to go around unwashed, unkempt, etc. Is there more to the story?
Comment by Gloria — June 9, 2008 @ 10:02 pm
hi kacey, i have a 11 year old here everyday playing w my 5 year old and shes kinda like my niece.i just had to talk to her about deoderant…i think its great youre helping her ,its important about hygene and the other kids not to make fun of her.the 11 year old goes to school w another girl that missed school for days because she had no clean clothes!i think like gloria, whats up w the parents.?i really dont know the exact age group, as they get in there teens its always been like krista said w my real niece and spray tans and nails and pedicures and coach bags…she started that in 6th grade, big time.you have a special heart to reach out and help this child!id keep it up, even if it was on the side you talked with her.its a very hard ages, and other kids can be very mean if you arent just like them. as i know, the 11 year old thats here alot,dresses her own style and loves chemical romance band and it kinda reminds me of cindy lauper days,a repeat in history, as we all went through that era.the kids in her new school, a wealthy area, all raulph lauren,abercrombie capital, and she flows to her own beat.behind it all, high honor student, artist, but the family doesnt have money for all the fancy clothes eiether.keep up the work with her, she really needs it.god bless
Comment by kerry — June 10, 2008 @ 6:11 am
I also think neglected child. Further though, are you aware that hair straightening products can be damaging to the health of a young girl? (all of us actually) Chemicals may be too estrogenic, putting her and anyone who uses them at risk of breast cancer in the future.
Also, those with straight hair use chemicals to curl, those with curls use chemicals to straighten. What about a simple cut/thinning that leaves her hair ‘natural’?
Comment by Ann F. — June 10, 2008 @ 8:01 am
You guys have such great thoughts! Ann, I can see what you mean about straightening products…we started the child off with some gel, we just needed something to help us. Of course an organic, natural product would be best. Gloria, yes I wonder about hygiene neglect. The child is from a large family, but mom’s in a child-loving profession, which alleviates my worry a little. I am definitely looking into this though, and trying to encourage the pre-teen to WANT to bathe, as she is an extra stubborn one (she likes to push against whatever you say and doesn’t know what to do with a compliment). Thanks for all the input. The next school year will bring updates.
Comment by Kacey — June 10, 2008 @ 4:49 pm