As a child I had an outward, perceived beauty and innocence. However the depths of my soul hurt from realities that no one could see. The average person was not enlightened to the hidden truths and untold secrets that played out behind closed doors.

A warped sense of self developed when a church elder, who was also a Sunday school teacher, groomed me as his sexual mate. I came to define myself through my sexuality and how I could please others. This tainted love affected most of my interpersonal relationships, but especially marred the love I should have had for myself.

The destructive nature of sexual abuse starts at the core of how we perceive ourselves. It expedites the downward spiral where self-admiration turns into devouring ourselves with biting criticisms. We once were free to enjoy who we were, without evaluation or disapproval. We had a sense of wild abandonment, because we were so confident in whom we were created to be.

Yet, at some point most of us lose that ability to love ourselves. Such self-confidence becomes perceived as arrogance. We cower at the thought of actually saying that we love ourselves. But in order to receive an authentic love from others, we must start with affirming our own self-worth. Negative self-talk will eventually destroy who we are meant to be and will absolutely make it impossible for us to be loved and be lovable.

We are each a beautiful work of art in the making that was created to be admired and understood. As Elisabeth Kubler-Ross said, “People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”

When darkness invades our lives, that pain either evolves into a sense of flawed beauty as a ray of hope shines through that experience, or weighs us down with guilt and self-hate, which masks our true beauty. We have a choice. We need to love ourselves and even appreciate the trials we endured, for it is those pieces of broken stained glass that makes the beauty of the stained window beheld by the world.

Marianne Williamson captured the essence of embracing yourself and the potential light that emerges through your struggles in life in her book, Return to Love:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in all of us. And when we let out own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Live an enlightened, liberated life. Your beauty starts with your love for yourself. NO living creature has the right to rob you of the love you are worth.

Martha Wade is a former Global Evangelism Mobilization Director of a Los Angeles area church. She is the founder of A Quarter Blue, an organization dedicated to curtailing child molestation.

TAGS: child molestation, sexual abuse