Starving Girls, Successful Women?
Denise over at BlogHer for one week kept track of how often she saw women talking in negative terms about their bodies, their clothing, and food. She came across 72 posts by women that fit this description, and only one by a guy. I am not surprised.
I have three teenage daughters. I listen to how they talk about their bodies and think they are fat. They are NOT, so this kind of talk is scary to me. Having grown up feeling like that myself, I want so much for them not to go through what I did. With all I have shared with them about my body image issues, implants and weight, when they grab their perfect female bellies and say, “Oh, I am so fat,” I know they cannot hear my message. I just hope somewhere in there, they are getting it.
Our values are expressed in — as well as magnified and exaggerated by — our popular culture. TV programming, movies, music videos, magazines, etc., almost always tell us that the only way women can be attractive is to be sexy and beautiful. Even the amazingly accomplished women characters we see on such shows as Gray’s Anatomy or CSI are all slim and stunning. If these are the cultural cues that bombard our daughters everyday, it’s no wonder they are having body image issues.
This is a huge change since my days playing Erin on The Waltons. I and the other actors playing the Walton brood spent very little time worrying about our looks (until the pressures of Hollywood got to us as we got older). We ran around in depression-era clothes. Off the set, we were trying to be normal kids. And while we were all cute enough (I thought), we were not uniformly gorgeous.
These days, even on kids’ channels like Disney or Nickelodean, the ‘tween stars wouldn’t be caught without makeup, and we get the idea that when they are off the set, they spend a lot of time working out and conferring with stylists. Then we hear about their struggles to transition to adult roles: Think cute, normal teen girl Hillary Duff suddenly 20 pounds lighter and acutely bonier appearing in videos steamy enough to give Madonna a run for the money. Or the very talented JoJo, a normal attractive teenager in the movie Aquamarine, but who emerges a year later in a music video in tight clothes, heavy make-up and big hair. The message to girls? To be a successful adult, this is the only path available to you.
Denise’s informal survey was prompted by the fact that she recently read Courtney Martin’s book, Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters. Hmm, I’m going to have to check it out. Anyway, the book made her second-guess everything she’s said and done with her own daughters.
Denise, I feel the same way sometimes, but there’s no need. It’s normal for girls to worry about their looks. But if your daughters are also worrying about over-scheduling, then obviously, you are trying to provide other things from which they can get a healthy sense of self-worth, and that’s the best we moms can do!
Hang in there. Together we can get through it all!
Hey Mary, Karey here. I just stumbled across your blog and ive been reading alot about it. I think its so wonderful that you guys created this blog to help women. This topic reflects me in so many ways. I as a teenager struggled with my body image. I did acting (took a break from it now) and when I got rejected I wondered was it because of the way I look? So I began to deal with the image I came across on. I hated the way I looked and wanted to do something about it. i thought well maybe I wasn’t skinny enough. I only had 1 meal a day. I was scary skinny. Then with the help of a close friend made me change my ways when she came up to me tellingme that she was so scared that I was gonna die because I looked so bad. She couldn’t believe it and it made me realize what am I doing? Why am I doing this to myself. All because of someone couldn’t accept who I was because I wasn’t the “type” they were looking for. Hollywood is like that in so many ways.
So at first I didn’t wanna believe it I thought I was fine. Then a friend of mine passed away and I just quit eating. I didn’t want food anymore. I hated it. To the point to wear my friends and family were forcing me to eat then 10 min later I ran to the bathroom and threw it all up. It got so bad. My mom was so scared for me she said you need to get help or you will die. I litterally was in bed crying my eyes out. Deep down I wanted that food but I just couldnt make myself take it.
I remembered what my friend had told me (bless her heart) then I got help. I was diagnosed as being depressed and as the neutritionist said I had a type of eating disorder I knew I wasn’t fat and I wasn’t making myself throw up but i just made myself so nervous and worried that I just threw up. (I have never heard of that before)
So that is my story and I think its horrible how these wonderful teen actresses display themselves as this is how it ought to be. You need to be sexy in order to be accepted and thats just not it.
I remember I did want Breast implants in order to look more sexy but I saw what all it causes these women and say to myself Im fine just the way I am.
Im a very healthy 115 and ive never been happier. I also thank you for helping m too. Reading your stories and everything helped me through my teens haha.
Anyways Thank you Mary. God Bless you,Karey
Comment by flowergirl86 — August 21, 2007 @ 3:08 am
Hey Karey,
WOW! Thanks SO much for posting. Your story is so powerful. Thanks for the bravery and vulnerability it took to share it here.
So many women/girls feel the way you and I did. I feel like we’re twins!
I wish it wasn’t like that in Hollywood, but now it has reached beyond and American girls think they need to look that way.
I am so glad you have the love of your family and frends. It takes a LOT to get help. It seems so scary, as it is unknown. But as you know, once you figure out what it is all about, with the help of professionals,it is not frightening, but healing. Thanks for your story, I know many wmen will share your same feelings and be encouraged to find their own healing.
Take care and post often!!!
Mary
Comment by Mary — August 21, 2007 @ 9:36 am
Your welcome Mary. I felt I needed to let these women know how dangerous it can get and they need to know that they can get help for this. Im just so glad that I overcame it and I do get setbacks alot but atleast its not to the point to where im starving myself.
Who knows maybe we are twins
I feel we have a connection somewhere and maybe this is it. We can help eachother if we ever get that feeling back. Im am only 21 years old but Im glad I can be there to help others. That is my mission and goal.
I will deff keep you up to date on whats going on just feel free to keep in touch with me =)
Much Love,Karey
P.S. this is Debbie Chabach’s Daughter. I wanted to talk to you about my story at the reunion but we ran outta time. Im just glad I got to share it here. Mum says hi by the way =D
Comment by Karey — August 21, 2007 @ 4:29 pm